mother is mothering

The first time I heard the phrase "mother is mothering" was when Taylor Swift began her era's concert. the phrase had me red with rage. why on earth anyone would call Taylor mother was beyond me. but I have settled down since then. It's not that big of a deal and "I need to calm down" about it. *Also, just FYI, I am not a swiftie but a distant observer of swifties and fascinated by them*

anyway, I woke up at the perfect time this morning. but I wasn't sure how to handle my day. I hadn't taken the time to plan it out last night, so I was going to have to wing it. I ultimately chose to do an online arm workout that I really felt later but bought me absolutely zero points when it comes to calorie burning.

the morning went fine enough, but I found myself very unresolved from last night's conversation with my mom. I didn't understand myself. I didn't understand what I was feeling or why. I wanted to know what was wrong with me. I wanted to know what I was shooting for. But I currently can't afford counseling/therapy due to insurance issues, so I find myself grasping at straws trying to process things and figure out myself and my life path with God alone. 

then I had an idea. I would interview people about their mother/daughter relationships. I marco-polo-ed every female on my contact list and asked them the following questions/reflections:

1. describe your relationship with your mother. what is it like and why?

2. what is the ideal mother/daughter relationship and what are the roles of daughter/mother

3. describe the relationship you have with your daughter. What is it like and why?

the answers started pouring in and it was incredibly insightful. By the end of the first three, I felt like I had all the answers in the world and I was ready to GO. but even with the added clarity, nothing has really changed my mom and I's relationship just yet... just my understanding of myself.

for school, James did science. and guess what the topic was? I can't make this stuff up:

MOTHERS AND BABIES.

you're kidding me, right?

can you see his leftover injured lip? It's somethin' else, I tell ya.

after an impromptu field trip to the reptile store (ha- only in Arizona, right?), I got some schoolwork done for my new class that started today and took the kids to the park for a bit. I ran a couple of necessary errands and did the GIANT PILE OF DISHES that was taking over the kitchen. 

my mom made us all dinner, which we ate happily, and then we gathered on the couch for family night. Our new favorite kid video to watch is "Thumb Follow Me", and it was a big hit tonight. We had chocolate chip cookies for our treat, of course, and then voted on watching the 200th episode of the Studio C special. Sadly we couldn't get it to work, so we just watched a mix of good and lame clips from other seasons. 

the kids finished the night with homework. Richard wrote his name...

look at the joy on this kid's face!
I don't know who is more excited that he is making progress... me or him.

 after getting all the kids to bed, I stepped outside to talk to hubs. it wasn't the best conversation and sometimes moments like that make me nervous for when he comes back home to us. there is this weird thing that happens when we live apart for too long, where we get into a groove that helps us survive and works for us, and we don't really rely on each other anymore. we grow distant and it's hard to have conversations where we truly connect with one another. It's as if we speak different languages and we just can't understand what the other is saying. 

oh well. on to tomorrow.