change in me

some weeks ago I asked God to change me.

Please God, just take my heart and mold it into something great, please. 

I can feel that change happening. parts of it are beautiful. others are painful. I know I am going to have to trust him more.

I woke up at 3am and calculated that I had had 5.5 hours of sleep. that, honestly, is a pretty good amount of sleep for me, my ideal is 6 hours. so I chose to stay awake. I went on a run. and then planned to do more stuff, but a child came and got me and begged me to lay down with them. I lay down in frustration and resolved to wait until they fell asleep to slip out and get stuff done, however, I eventually slept. and then it was A LOT harder to get up when my alarm went off.

made it through the morning, though, and I was on schedule. I took little people to the park during some downtime and got a text asking if Sally could hang out. Her friend's spring break was happening and they hadn't hung out in a very long time. I contemplated whether or not I should take her out of school and let her have a fun day with a friend. When I put myself in her shoes it was an absolute yes. I thought about how much she does to help me and how she keeps her grades up and is really trying her best in life. I told her friend to pick her up and surprise her. it worked. and I kept getting texts and pictures throughout the entire day. It made my heart so happy.

ostrich farm
(I actually hate this place, but I am a weirdo because everyone else loves it!)

Crayola experience

the mall

dinner

a souvenir from Sally's friend's mom. It's honestly the most symbolic gift of my life. her and I have had some very prickly times... haha! I absolutely love it!

When Sally got back she couldn't even pick a favorite part. I was thrilled that I surprised her and let her have a day off from the mundane. She's a good kid.

my day at home was not as glamorous. homeschooled James, ran some errands, ate a delicious lunch. did some schoolwork, laundry, and filled out online forms. I got some more macro polo responses and they were fascinating. Maybe I should be the next Brene Brown when I grow up? haha

After picking up school kids, I got things in order so that I could go minister to a woman from church who is in the hospital. she isn't doing well. my ministering companion, whom I love and thank my lucky stars for, picked me up and we had a great chat to and from the visit. but my dear friend who is ill seems to continue to decline. I see a lot of signs that aren't positive for recovery, and I worry about what I can do for her. I have never been in this situation before and it's daunting. 

coming home, it took a lot to keep going with baths, homework, and bedtime... but somehow I pushed through. when everyone was in bed, I set stuff up for the birthday girl.

Jeff and I had a phone chat and I tried to get caught up on some things. Ebenezer woke up and needed some help with a bowel movement. He may never go back to bed.

now it's late and I have to make a choice regarding staying up to do dishes and make quiche, or hit the hay and do it all tomorrow. 

I think I will split it down the middle and do just the quiche. I dunno. 

tomorrow is busy. 

wish me luck.

g'night