unplanned

Last night was another doozy, and so I slept in. I was behind on my plans for the day, but maybe I could still get stuff done. I wasn't quite sure.

I pushed us through the morning of devotional and chores, kids mostly being driven by their beloved and promised 'tech time'. I called hubs to ask for prayers. I wasn't feeling patient or kind.

I kept pushing, but when the clock struck 11, I fell into a place of great overwhelm and depression. I went to my bed and pulled the covers over me. then proceeded to sleep for an hour and a half. kids went into chaos. endless snacks and food everywhere, people making so many messes. 

but I woke up to an unexpected phone call. one of my ministering sisters. She asked how I was feeling about tomorrow. I admitted that I was trying not to think about my feelings and shove them down to just get through it. She proceeded to offer a special tie for my son to wear, as her son and Charles had matching ties for their ordination years before. Tears welled up in my eyes. I felt so much gratitude. She honestly didn't even know half of what was going on right now, and she had PLENTY to do on her plate, but here she was, characteristically helping me through another milestone. Then she told me she would take my kids after church so I could be more present during the ordination. I felt so grateful and cared for. Maybe God was aware of me. Maybe Charles cared, too. It was a pleasant thought.

Jeff called immediately following. I shared the news through my tears of gratitude. Then it was time to try and get through the rest of the day. I was an hour behind schedule. I dropped off Sally at Sam's house. I took items to Goodwill. Then James and I stopped at the library to get more books for reading. Homeschool starts back up in two days. Heaven help me.

Then I took Walter to get a new suit. He picked out a beautiful blue one. He's going to look so sharp! He was surprised by the price... and if I am being honest, I was too. will prices ever go down? I tearfully shared with him how much I wanted this day to be him and his dad and Charles all going out together, but that he was stuck with just me. But then I told him that he was about to receive the priesthood power, the very power that connects our family despite our distance. Priesthood power is what gives us hope of seeing Charles again and that even though Dad is far away, we are united eternally. We are connected through the priesthood power, and for that I am thankful. I also told him how many amazing, good people are going to be there tomorrow to show support and love. I told him we could go get food of any kind and he chose Taco Bell and also stopped at the local store for a candy bar. He seemed pleased.

Next, I had a choice to make. Plenty to be done and things on my list of what I wanted to do. A friend sent a message about a cool rock show that I also wanted to squeeze into the day. But at home, Gladys and Leena were playing happily, and the neighbor boys were very eager to have time with Walter. James was already trying to keep them entertained. And I just couldn't picture myself forcing everyone to hurry and load up in the car, or try to speed through a hike on my favorite mountain. So I told myself I could skip those things, and instead, I let everyone play for another hour. and... I put together my new purse (which is way too small to be my purse. I should've bought it in person instead of online).

Got two special Christmas cards in the mail this week. one from my bestie, who I am just so grateful for. and another from Jeff's cousin's wife. I was so touched by her kindness in sending a card. Her gesture means so much to me and speaks volumes. I am not the only one who wants to keep a connection, and it gives me hope.

next up was cleaning and cooking. then baths. Jeff called for our end-of-the-day chat. He had had a hard day trying to fix his pipes and had to replace his entire RV sink/faucet. it was a debacle. I told him about my keystone demonstration for the kids and about some of the things that stood out to me during THIS podcast. He shared some of his own studies and I wasn't surprised at how different they were from mine, but grateful for his thoughts, insights, and perspectives.

Now I am going to plan out the details of tomorrow. I did some decompression yoga, which felt good. I am tired. I didn't get everything done. But I am ready to get some rest and try again tomorrow. namaste.