fractured

I can barely remember today. but this is what I recall.

1. I did not want to wake up AT ALL today. I said a prayer and then I let everyone sleep for an hour and then treated the morning like normal. Miraculously we made it through, with Walter barely late to school.

Next, Evelynn and I went on our run. the stretching part felt great, but I hated our run. It didn't feel good this time. I felt negative and tired and unhealthy and discouraged. Evelynn didn't seem to enjoy it either.

then got everyone set up at home so I could take Roger to his finger appointment with a surgeon. More than anything, I just wanted to know if it was serious or not a big deal. And now I know... and I think I am more prepared for the next debacle.

When I got home, I wanted to do ZERO things. I was so tired. So done with life. It was a miracle that I made it home and I am grateful for the macro polos that helped. but I forced myself to finish off James' homeschool week. and he did his "Pokemon battle finals" before picking out a Lego helicopter prize.

 After that, it was even HARDER to get going. I switched laundry, picked up school kids, made sure Roger went to piano lessons, did the dishes, and forced myself to make dinner. Still not sure that I made a good choice to do that, but I have this thing... called black-and-white thinking. Sometimes it is a curse and other times it is the only thing that keeps me going. In moments like this... it's both. I tell myself that I can't make an exception or an excuse because if I do, I will always do that. If I say, "Just order pizza, you have had a hard day and week and you deserve it"... then I worry that I will fall into a horrible pattern of depression and laziness. So I forced myself to stick with the plan and made a giant, time-consuming dinner that only half my kids liked. but gosh darn it... I DID IT okay?

Anyway, after that I ran some errands. Had to pick up medication for myself and for a friend. when I dropped off her medication, her neighbor was over. I had never met her neighbor and she was hilarious! I had such a blast listening to her tell me stories from her life. I wanted to stay forever, but I had to get back to Walter and take him for a playdate with Charles' best friend.

Walter had an absolute blast.

to finish off my long day, I got my water jugs refilled and headed to get groceries. it took forever and somehow I made it through. I called Jeff on my way home to tell him about the manager getting on the intercom to say, "Um, whoever drives the white jeep parked in the handicapped parking space... please come to the front... IT'S ON FIRE!" kids helped me unload everything, but the hardest part was putting it all away. hopefully, I will be grateful tomorrow. I still have so much to do but I am BEAT.

 goodnight.