that'll do

I woke up at 3am and could not go back to sleep. I didn't love that for me, but I tried to roll with it. I worked on doing a 'brain dump' and tried to write down everything on my mind, trying to expel the inward stress. It only helped 30%. 10% is still stuck in there and the other 60% is just completely overwhelmed because there is so much to do and not enough time. There were moments when I felt fleeting hope or inspiration, but also... the desire to run away from my problems. I tried again to go back to sleep but to no avail.

Evelynn had similar anxieties, anticipating her 5k. She woke up at 3:30 from a stressful dream and spent the next two hours getting ready. And no, I have no idea why it would take 2 hours to get ready for a 5k, but she somehow filled it.

I busted out my new Come Follow Me journal and felt a cloud of negativity consume me. I still had some weird thoughts swirling around my head from last week, and I just wasn't feeling warm and fuzzy or close to God. I forced myself to pursue, knowing that I had an accountability buddy (who honestly could not care less, but I digress), and I wrote down: "I have already had a confirmation that this is true, so I can move forward while feeling in the dark." The study got easier the more time I put into it, but no singing angels or anything.

Next, Evelynn helped me make breakfast, and when it was finished, we got everyone to the table for devotional. I told everyone about the day ahead of us and explained that everyone had new jobs for the start of a new month. Some people were less than thrilled... and then... Evelynn and I were off. 

A wave of fatigue hit me hard on the drive. I miraculously dropped her off and made it home. But as soon as I hit the driveway, I put the car in park and laid my head back to sleep. Fifteen minutes later, I forced myself to go inside. People were finishing up their chores and chaos was in full swing. Richard convinced me to take a moment and watch him drive his car out front. I have a love/hate relationship with that car. The weather was cloudy and overcast and I felt the polarization of both gratitude for no-school-lazy-winter-break days as well as a deep desire to crawl back into bed and sleep the day away.

big brother blades beside (I like alliteration, okay?)

sisters play under the tree

Somehow I managed to get laundry done before Evelynn called for her pick up. She got last place and wanted a consolation sundae. Sonic is the only place I know of that serves ice cream before 11am. I got myself something, too, hoping to boost my energy level. Then we mosied on home. I found plenty of people who needed me (I swear someone is fighting at all times), and snuggled a little Ebenezer on the couch.

only the girls mentioned her hair... she said boys don't care about it

Grammy made a New Year's spread for lunch and everyone ate their guts out. Then kids hurried back to play, some of them outside with neighbor friends, and it tore me up to break them away for a family hike... but darn it, I can be so dang rigid sometimes. Gotta follow my schedule *facepalm*. 

I think the drive to hike somewhere is my favorite. Anticipating the hike while listening to my favorite jams feels so purposeful and positive. I do miss my Spotify subscription, but I just can't justify it right now. Besides, little things add up, and if I make an exception, it is only downhill from there. I am glad that my mom gave me a hiking pass to my favorite trail so I can have an excuse to go more often this year.

I liked the hike. I had a lot of thoughts swimming in my mind, but it felt good to move my body and breathe fresh air. Most of us tried a new path, and it was fun to do something different. Next was a picnic at the nearby park. 

When we got home, again, I wanted to fade into bed and ignore all responsibilities. BUT LIFE GOES ON. So kids played while I forced myself to do the dishes. Then I gathered everyone for a clean-up-the-house pow-wow, while my mom prepared her second fancy New Year dinner spread. Tragically I didn't take pictures, but it was legit- even with special drinking goblets, and an array of all kinds of foods for my array of children. She didn't stop there, though, after we finished, she got out pop-rock candy and cupcakes. Oh, and she also busted out GLOW STICKS. gotta love those.

As everyone finished stuffing their faces and carrying stuff back into the kitchen, we sat in the living room for our first Family Night of the year. We did the regular lineup of opening song, prayer, and videos (we watch the weekly LineUponLine, LegoDaySaints, ScriptureExplorers, and LatterDayKids on YouTube) before having a short testimony meeting where we share our thoughts and feelings. For me, this changed everything. During the videos, Leena recognized the Book of Mormon stories and pictures that were referenced and she shouted out with glee, "I know that guy!" and "Hey, it's ____!" It touched my icy heart and it was confirmation that those stories are true and that is why I love sharing them with my children. When it came time to share my testimony after the videos, a warmth came into my heart and I knew it was the spirit confirming to me once again that these things are true and good and that I was doing something right to teach and study the Book of Mormon. We wrapped up our family night by learning the books of the Book of Mormon song and a prayer.

Then came a gauntlet of New Year's activities (none of which I remembered to photograph. UGH!). One, measuring everyone on our wall ruler to see how tall we have grown. This has been a tradition since Walter was born. Two, we wrote out our goals... using the church's suggestion of four categories: spiritual, physical, intellectual, and social. Even Richard participated in writing a goal in each quadrant and taped it by his bed. Lastly, we filled out papers about ourselves for our 2024 time capsule. I was pleasantly surprised at how much the kids got into this activity. Walter went above and beyond drawing a stick figure of himself and drew a very life-like self-portrait that will be hard to beat next year.

Once everyone was finished, I had to work hard to get everyone to bed. Then I called up Jeff for our first long-distance couple scripture chat. I didn't really feel like I had anything to say, but before I knew it, we were talking about the impact of the Book of Mormon on our lives and I found myself gushing about how much I adore that book. It truly is a keystone in my faith and my life. 

Now I have planned out tomorrow and will gladly go to bed. I don't know how I am still so far behind in my to-do list, but it feels like it never ends. But it will have to wait until tomorrow... or the next day... or... whatever. I AM TOO TIRED.